Ass Flavored Coffee

For Gods sake, someone get the coffee beans in order! I can pick up 3 bags of the SAME kind of coffee beans and each bag will taste different. I am currently choking my way throughout the ass flavored beans. I know there is someone in Columbia that is laughing and rubbing their asses on the coffee beans as they pick them. "Reeeech Amedican Preeeecks! Ju chood be buyings our other national gross products!" (That's as good as it gets for an accent via font). First bag was decent: I drank, I pooped, I conquered. 2nd bag wasn't too bad either. Not this one. By the way, adding MORE coffee to the grinder does NOT make it taste better. Now you ave ass flavored MUD! The water is filtered, the pot is clean and it isn't one of those super Bunn's that spews out coffee in less than 12 seconds. It's a REAL coffee maker! ("Real" meaning it cost less than rent on an oceanfront condo in Miami) I am getting ready to write a nastygram to the Eight O' Clock Bean people:

Dear Coffee People-

What gives? Is someone asleep at the selection table? It's bad enough you have already jacked up the price of the 12oz bag over a DOLLAR in the past couple of months but now you feel the need to subject me to ASS? I demand French Roast NOW!

Sincerely - Woman in need of severe Rejavafication

Wonder if that will get results.