Diagnosis: Non-Boogery Sinusitis

For the past week I have had a headache. Not a "OMGF*CKINGSHOOTME" headache. More like a 'ahem... you there? you awake? you are now" type of headache. A WEEK. So I have decided to cure everything else in my system - only to still have a damn headache.

I have Imitrex but I am a big puss when it comes to actually injecting it. I usually sit on the toilet, aiming power-injector at thigh. Why on the toilet? Because I know I am going to piss myself at the first little sense of burning in the leg. Well, all that and the migraine med didn't work. My Geekqual David comes home to see me reclined on the couch, big square ice pack on the face. "You alright?" he asks tenderly. My response was close to a hungry lion howl on the Serengeti.

Now we have moved on to BC Powder http://www.bcpowder.com/ . I call it snort-able aspirin. Wait - you aren't supposed to... errrr... anyway. It's powdered pain killer with a healthy dose of caffeine mixed in. Tastes like powdered coffee creamer gone wrong. It comes in this rolling paper sorta (way too much knowledge on drug culture here). Just a note- HAVE FLUID AT HAND! This is some foul stuff! Slam the drink right afterward! I tell you this as a friend! BTW , It works for appx 15 minutes.

Now we raid the medicine cabinet. Xanax, Motrin, Sinex, some leftover Midol, Flexeril, and a lonely Vicodin from days gone by. I want a Pez dispenser for this stuff. I am going to rattle as I walk. But the headache is STILL there. According to the side effects from various meds, I should be pooping, constipated, sleepy, wired and just plain fun. Hand me a drink and let's get this party started.

Yesterday I broke down and went into Urgent Care. Now we recently moved from New Lisbon (aka Armpit), WI to the civility of Plover. Look Ma! No Amish buggies outside the hospital! So I get in there and here comes "Dr. Bob". He actually looked like Bob Fosse- dead Broadway dude. I am waiting on him to say "TaDaaaaaaaaa!" and do the Double Dream Hands routine. After he pokes in my ears, throat, raps on my forehead (ok OUCH Muthaf****!) he diagnoses me with "Non-Boogery Sinusitis". What? Did he actually say Non Boogery? Mmmhmmm He did. I guess that is a new way of saying I am not blowing snotsies everywhere. Antibiotics and (after a couple of whimpers on my part) some pain meds.

Now I need to take my Non-Boogery Sinusitis to the pharmacy in the hospital. I swear it's in another area code. I have worked up a sweat and a thirst by the time I make it there. Ohhhh and this is a churchy hospital. There are crosses and 'inspirational' things everywhere. "Go to the stained glass window and go left". Just so you know, for future reference or something- stained glass + sunlight = OWWW My EYESSSS!. I finally find the pharmacy and the drugonista is just the sweetest thing ever. I refrained from growling at her. At this time, I spy *drummroll* an Espresso Bar! In the Hospital! All these cookies and energy bars and caffeine - lovely caffeine! "Why Yes Ma'am! I will have a LARGE Turtle Soy Latte with an extra shot of Goddesses Nectar!" Thought of possibly grabbing some granola for my long trek back to the parking garage near the Urgent Care but I am a trooper and I had on hiking flip-flops so all is good.

So moral of story - Non Boogery Sinusitis is now a real medical condition. We will know in 10 days if the antibiotic works. BTW- This medication is also used for bacterial infections (sinus, skin, lung, urinary tract, ear, and throat). It may also be used to treat Lyme disease and gonorrhea. I am headed out to the woods so I can sit on a non -papered toilet seat - I got this covered!