Winter: Angeleno-Style

515am and there I was... in plaid flannel sleepy pants, and a big red parka. Add some brown Nanook boots and you get the picture- Winter in Wisconsin. Armed with a broom and an attitude, I venture outside. I need to clean off a vehicle since David has to be at work at 6ish today. He has been working 12 hour days so this is the least I can do....right? Oh no more snuggling under the flannel sheets, electric blankie and down comforter for ME! Up and at em, I tell ya!
You remember how people always used the term 'snowblind' and you had a blank look on your face? This actually exists...especially when the howling wind is blowing it in your face. Hell with caffeine! Nothing like THIS wake up call. There is an eerie silence when you realize you are probably the only person NOT in the house job searching for Florida at this hour. It's probably just the snow demons gathering up more crap to toss down on us.

So there I go, trekking on out there. Navigate the steps that are covered in an icy glaze. Step into the snow, lose site of my right foot. Searching thru about 700 keys on his keybob (which will bring us to a whole other issue- men and the multi-keys WTF?). Finally find key. Get the truck door open and start up all the defrosty mechanisms.

Now here is the fun part... I am all of 5ft 2. The top of the Explorer is roughly a foot taller than me. I have the kitchen broom. I also have a lot of snow. So I start sweeping snow. My face is frozen as the snow is blowing back at me. You ever try to move a fridge with a broom? This is what its like. Light and fluffy, my butt. Like sweeping concrete blocks. The windshield wipers are working against me, I can't seem to get in sync with them. SweepSwooshSHIT! The red vehicle is now starting to look like a lightly powdered donut.

So I am thinking - What the hey (yadderhey not in vocab), I will clean off the OTHER car while I am out here! Had the sense to back into the driveway last night. So.. toodling over to the Buick, I have a momentary lapse of brain wave activity.... Stepped in a drift that came up to my knees. Just so you know - whispering "&^*((^$% SNOW" DOES carry in the early morning silence. Scared the hell out of myself. A few half-hearted sweeps of the broom and thought "OK, I'm SO done".

Leaving icy puddles behind me, I come back in the house. David: What were you doing honey? Me: (point down to snow encrusted legs) Cleaning the truck for you! David: Ohhh you didn't have to do that - I just turn on the wipers! Me: .....oh...... At least I am awake.

So now the next time my family that live behind the Orange Curtain decide to kvetch about being 'cold' in 60 degree weather, I will make sure I send them this. Don't get too sunburned out there!